I don’t always feel like a geek. I know I have nothing to prove to anyone. This is more about proving it to myself through my own story.
A friend recently said that she didn’t feel she had enough geek cred. I didn’t understand this at all because she came from a family of geeks who go to conventions as a family, enter gaming tournaments , get excited about books signings and so on. In my mind that is the geek equivalent of coming from ‘old money’ in high society. But yet she still felt that it was just all handed to her and she hadn’t worked to garner any of it.
This made me think about my own geek cred score. Much like my Klout score, I haven’t checked it in years and feel it has diminished with lack of use. However, I feel I have something to prove, to myself. Another friend brought up the song “Nothing to Prove” by the Double Clicks. It is a wonderful explanation of geeks being anyone who likes things like science, scifi or gaming. There is a larger definition but I don’t really want to delve into that here. On the other hand, I have to expand the definition for my own devices because I didn’t come to love all these things until I graduated from college.
Basic history, I grew up in a VERY small town. At a young and tender age I became THE weird kid. In a class of 33 people you can see why the capital letters and a little important. I was alone in a place where I fit in the OTHER category. I could still count on one hand how many fit in that category with me. I also have to admit when I still was desperate to fit in I wasn’t always the open and loving person I try to be today. If you ever get to read this, I’m sorry.
Also, when I was about 11 or 12 I decided to stop watching cartoons like Sailor Moon and Beetle Juice the animated series before my school bus came. I remember it being a conscious decision. No one told me to do it or why it would be a good idea. I just said, “Today no more Beetle Juice.” Now, I don’t know if it was because I didn’t like the shows or if I decided this is what adults do but it happened.
Right then and there, I feel I lost all nerd/geek credibility. I gave up cartoons because it wasn’t cool basically. I became the person who vilifies people for watching cartoons.
So, how do I fix find my nerdy self? How did I make it from tween to adulthood losing all my geek cred? This is why I need a larger definition of geek.
This is where I hope to explore it.